The Lord Will Provide

At some point there may come a time when I am not surprised by the incredible ways God provides for our needs... but today I remain amazed.

Again the Lord has given us more than we could ask for or imagine...


First, we were able to close on the refinance of our home (that we have been working toward since January) last week.  This means that not only do we skip a month in payments (on the EXACT month we bring home Ruthie!) but going forward we will pay $200 LESS per month!   

Then, one day last week we received an unexpected check in the mail for $300 for the settlement of the townhouse we sold 2 years ago! 

Then, the grant that we applied for earlier and were notified about last week was confirmed yesterday- and it is $1,000 MORE than what we even hoped for!  


AND THEN today I go to check the mail and say to the Lord "OK Lord, what's today's encouragement going to be?" only to find a $1,100+ check from the bank from the escrows of our original home loan!  

Seriously?!?!?! 


When the Lord called our family to adopt, nearly 2 years ago, we knew that He would provide every single dollar we would need.  But it's one thing to "know" something and something all together different to "watch" something miraculous happen as we have these last weeks and months... our God is truly our JEHOVAH-JIREH "The Lord our Provider".  We are blown away by his generosity and loving kindness.


Our desire in sharing all of this with you is to encourage you that wherever the Lord leads you He too will provide.   Jehovah-Jireh will never leave you nor forsake you and he promises to provide for all your needs.  Be encouraged and take heart! 



One final mind blowing development- yesterday we found out that we will meet our precious birthmother on Mother's Day.  

  
I can't imagine a more appropriate day to hug her for the first time.





19 days and counting!



 

Grumpy but Grateful

This is the day that the Lord has made;
    let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

One of the elders of our church encouraged our congregation last week to look at each day as a gift from our Lord.  He even cautioned us against having a bad attitude toward the dreaded start of the week... Monday...

Well my Monday attitude arrived a day late...  

2 weeks of an annoying stomach bug for my boys + poison ivy and too little sleep for Mommy= one grumpy me!


But in an effort to "rejoice and be glad" I am going to BATTLE my case of the Monday's with gratitude!


I am grateful because...

...we have received TONS of butterflies!

THANK YOU!  At last count there were 33 butterflies on our door!  

(If you'd like to participate check out this post for details)

...you fine people have ordered almost 20 shirts!  

Thank you all for helping us spread the word and for purchasing tshirts and onesies!  I can't wait to see you sporting your Ruthie T!  Every single shirt helps us raise the final funds we need.

...our travel arrangements for Florida are complete!

It looks like Niles and Ruthie and I will have the privilege of staying in a beautiful FL home of a friend for our entire stay! No HOTEL!!  And thanks to all the tshirts we have sold- we even have gas money :) yippie!

... our "Turner and Calvin" team is assembled!

We are so blessed to have family and friends that have stepped up to help us care for the boys while we are gone to FL!  You guys rock- and I KNOW my boys are going to have a blast while we're gone!  I am so grateful that one more item is off my mental list.

... our loan is approved!

The ABBA Fund has graciously approved our loan request today!  Another step closer to having every bit of what we need to bring Ruthie home!

... our birthmom is doing well!

I just received an email from her saying she is well and looking forward to meeting us :)!

Be encouraged!  Our God is at work and he is moving His people to supply our every need!

Now I'm going to sneak a nap for the next 15 minutes and all will be right with the world.

 

...that we might have strong encouragement

In the devotional I read yesterday (based on Hebrews 6:13-20),  John Piper says

God desires to "show"- prove, demonstrate, point out, represent, display, reveal, drive home - the hopefulness of our future.  He really wants us to feel this.  He goes the second (and third and fourth) mile to help us feel encouraged.  This is what he wants.  This is what he really wants. "...that we might have strong encouragement"

Well today these verses have seen fulfilment in my life!

Today the encouragement has come in huge waves...

...and I am joyfully drenched!




1) I received an email today (after two phone calls yesterday) from one of the organizations we applied for an adoption grant and it said:

On behalf of the foundation I am delighted to inform you that the board has approved your request for financial assistance!

 We don't yet know how much we have been awarded but we are so excited!  Every bit helps!


2) Just minutes after calling Niles to tell him that we were being awarded a grant the mailman arrived with a package I've been waiting days for- it included all of our official paperwork from the agency in Florida and about 20 ultra sound photos!


I am so, SO thrilled to share with you the first glimpse of our baby girl...

  

My beautiful, beloved, Ruthie B.

Oh how my heart sings at the sight of this precious baby! As if that wasn't enough for one day...

3) Just seconds after I opened the packaged I received a call from a dear friend letting me know that she had talked to her father, that "happens" to live within minutes of the hospital where Ruthie will be born, and he would like to offer us his home for as long as we might need it! 

PEOPLE, HEAR ME, OUR GOD ROCKS!!  

No germy hotels, or night after night of restaurant food during our stay!  We will be in a safe and clean HOME, with a kitchen AND POOL, in sunny FLORIDA!  

God desires ME to have STRONG encouragement- and he desires that for you too.  I pray that our story would never point to anything "good" that we are trying to do but would instead point to our Almighty Father that pours his love over his children.  He has done every bit of the work to supply what we need and sustain us during the journey with encouragement and faith. He delights in us and he delights in YOU.

As I close this most encouraging post I ask that you would pray for our birthmom,  "B".  Today "just happens" to be her birthday!  My prayer for her is that she too will feel drenched with the love and encouragement from our God and from her family today!

Here's one more shot of baby girl...

With her hands in her mouth- just like her big brothers :).

Something New

again

I want to remove the word "again" from my thinking...

That little tiny word has the power to discourage me and cause me to fear.  Adding "again" to the end of even encouraging and exciting news feels like a soggy, wet blanket... for example:

"We've been chosen by a birthmother- again."

Saying again  put this current chapter of our story on the same page as our two previous "chosen and disappointed" chapters.  I believe that tiny word is a tool of our enemy to steal my joy and cause me to doubt my God.  

Instead I will choose to trust that my God will work this chapter out for our good and I will hope that now God is "doing a new thing"!

My amazing Mom sent these verses last week:

“Remember not the former things,

    nor consider the things of old.

¹⁹ 

Behold, I am doing a new thing;

    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

    and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43)

In this passage the Lord is encouraging the Jewish people (that were in exile) not to live in the past but instead to look forward to his fulfillment of his promises...

I choose to do the same!  
I will look forward and not back.


To help us battle the "again" doubts that creep in we have outfitted our door with encouragements from God's Word.

And to remind us that the Lord is in the business of changing ugly things into beautiful creations,  the boys and I have added butterflies!  

We would LOVE to fill all the white space with butterflies... and we were wondering

would YOU like to help?

We invite you (and your kiddos!) to get crafty!

We would love and be hugely encouraged by your creations.

If you'd like to mail us your creation our address is:

Ferguson Family

PO BOX 1771

Fort Mill, SC 29715

We love you all and look forward to seeing your "new" creations!

Encouragement

An encouragement from fellow  

waiting-adoptive-Mommy,  

Alissa Bray.

Thanks, friend!

Be sure to check out Alissa's blog to keep up with their growing family :)

Change

Our circumstances have not changed.

... birthmother K remains committed to her last minute plan to parent.  Neither K nor her parents have contacted us since the day before the baby was born.  And today we were told that both attorneys are essentially closing the case and settling accounts payable.  Blah.

Our circumstances haven't changed, but neither has our God.

"I the Lord do not change..." (Malachi 3:6)

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)

A "head knowledge" that God doesn't change doesn't take away the ache in our hearts for the babies we have loved and lost.  Not at all.  

But with each passing day we are renewed in the hope that our infinite, eternal, and unchangeable God has called our family to welcome our daughter through adoption- and in HIS perfect timing she will be home.  We know that this journey is not about finding "a baby"- it is the path to our daughter that the Lord loves more than I do and already knows by name.   

We want to say a most sincere "thank you" to all of you.  We have been overwhelmed by your prayers,  your hugs, your kind messages and your care.  You have helped sustain us, through the love of Christ, like only the body of Christ can.  We can't imagine our life or this journey without Him or you!

We wait expectantly upon the Lord; trusting and believing that He is already doing immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Ask Him

 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. ⁹ Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? ¹¹ If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Matthew 7

What a beautiful promise from our God- everyone who asks receives...

In reference to these verses my study bible says "Disciples are to persist in prayer, confident that their Father will provide whatever is best for them, according to his sovereign, gracious will."

We knew when God called our family to grow through adoption that HE would have to provide us the necessary components: an agency to teach and prepare us, a birthmother to choose us, endurance for the journey, attorneys to make things official and the funds to offset all the costs.

Every step of the journey we have asked our Father for what we need and he has provided.  Some of his provision has been supernatural and direct to our hearts- like the healing and peace he has given us after our failed adoption of "baby J".  Some of his provision has come by way of gifts of talent which we have used to fundraise- like Niles's insane musical skills or my ability to capture fun and beauty on camera.  Still other provision has come in the form of circumstances and events that only he could orchestrate- like the way we were connected with and chosen by our birthmother. 

But my favorite way God has provided for us in this journey has been the way he has moved in the hearts of both old and new friends to contribute to our needs- every, single time we asked (and even sometimes out of the blue!)

I'll be honest- asking people for donations is hard.  It is difficult to say "I have a need that I cannot fulfill on my own."  It is humbling and vulnerable whether you are asking for prayer, or donations for items to sell at a yardsale, or for people to buy and wear your bracelets or asking for them to give you $30 in exchange for a puzzle piece- but OH HOW ENCOURAGING when God's people respond!  And for that, again we want to thank each of you.  You have responded- cheerfully and without question and you have encouraged our hearts.

I pray this is an encouragement to you- last Friday we received a call from our attorney  with the amount we owed that day for our initial retainer fee...

$3,000.

Yep, $3,000 on the dot.

The exact amount you all gave us just days before it was due... no more, no less.  EXACTLY what we needed.  There is NO WAY we could have know what the exact amount would be- and we certainly had NO idea when we started the fundraiser that we would need those funds so quickly (just days after the puzzle was complete!).  And there is NO WAY we would have had the funds needed without you.


You have brought us one step closer to our Ruthie. 


I pray you are encouraged knowing that a VERY big God is at work in your life and ours.  Ask Him persistently, confidently and faithfully for what you need.

Grasshoppers

Our meeting with our attorney yesterday was discouraging.

First, we learned one of the main differences between an agency adoption and a private adoption= financial risk.  In an agency adoption typically the agency covers all up-front costs associated with a birth mother- then adoptive families reimburse the agency once the child is placed.  The agency does most if not all the leg work and lawyers are not involved until the end.  In a private adoption lawyers are involved much sooner  and they do a great deal of work PRIOR to placement.  Work prior to placement= funds due prior to placement.  A LOT of funds. 

Then we were told that IF this adoption fails, IF our sweet birth mother changes her mind or IF the birth father contests (which is unlikely), that all the funds paid will be “lost.” 

Lost.

Let’s just say this wasn’t the conversation we were expecting or hoping for- but it was necessary.  It was necessary for us to be made aware of the financial risk in addition to the emotional risk we have already once experienced.  It was necessary- and difficult.

We left the meeting pretty beaten up.  We went out to eat with some sweet friends, talked about how we felt, ran some errands, talked some more.  Throughout the course of the night we knew a few things for sure:

Nothing had really changed.  Our birth mom was still committed to the plan (she and I texted a bit last night and everything seems as it has been).   Our God is still God.  And money is just money.  So with that we went to bed.

Then this morning I had SUCH an encouraging time with the Lord!  I went to the Word with hopes of renewed peace- and as always- the Lord met me and provided.

I spent some time reading Psalm 95 which begins with praises to God and ends with this warning:

Today, if you hear his voice,
 do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah,
as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,
when your fathers put me to the test
and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.

From that Psalm the Lord led me to the passages in Numbers 13 that tells the story of the generation that tested and distrusted the Lord- even though they had seen Him work all the miracles that it took for their exodus from Egypt…

The passage takes place the first time the Israelites are standing outside the promised Land.  God gives Moses this command: “Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the people of Israel. From each tribe of their fathers you shall send a man, every one a chief among them.”

So Moses did as God commanded, gathered 12 spies and sent them with these instructions:

 “Go up into the Negeb and go up into the hill country, ¹⁸ and see what the land is, and whether the people who dwell in it are strong or weak, whether they are few or many, ¹⁹ and whether the land that they dwell in is good or bad, and whether the cities that they dwell in are camps or strongholds, ²⁰ and whether the land is rich or poor, and whether there are trees in it or not. Be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land.” Now the time was the season of the first ripe grapes.

So they obeyed and spied the land for 40 days.

When the spies returned they brought this report to Moses:

“We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. ²⁸ However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there.  The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan.”

In other words: The Land God has for us is good and flows with every blessing we could ever want.  BUT taking the land seems RISKY.

Only one spy, Caleb, seemed able to trust the LORD saying  
“Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.”

Unfortunately Caleb was in the minority so when the spies reported back to all the people they said:

“The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. ³³ And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.”

Once the Israelites heard the report they all freaked out.  They cried all night and they spoke out against Moses- saying ridiculous things like “maybe it would have been better if we had died in Egypt”…

The Israelites were scared.  The obstacles in their path made them feel tiny.  The risk to go into the Land seemed too high- even if God was the one who promised it to them… the probability that they would fail looked clear…

And then 2 of the spies spoke up again- Joshua and Caleb went before the people and said

“The land, which we passed through to spy it out, is an exceedingly good land. ⁸ If the Lord delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey. ⁹ Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their protection is removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them.”

Unfortunately, the Israelites didn’t listen.

The Lord told Moses to send spies into the land.  I don’t pretend to know why God does what he does- but it seems that he wanted them to know all the risk and obstacles they were facing.  It seems he wanted them to feel like little bugs in the face of giants…SO THAT they would know the Lord is with them. When the Lord heard the response of the Israelites to Caleb and Joshua he said:

 “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? ¹² I will strike them with the pestilence and disinherit them, and I will make of you a nation greater and mightier than they.”

The Israelites did not heed Caleb and Joshua’s words… but by God’s grace we want to. 

We feel the Lord is calling us to continue this journey toward Ruthie.  We believe that with the Lord we are able to overcome any obstacles on the horizon.    We know that the Lord calls us not to fear and we want to obey.

And we believe the Lord delights in us- all 5 of us.

 We are grateful for all the “Joshua’s” and “Caleb’s” God has provided us to hold us along the way.  You have pointed us toward continued obedience in this journey and have held us up when our faith has been weak.  And we are so grateful for all of you that have participated in our fundraisers- your gifts are such an encouragement to our hearts.

So onward we go! 

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth we continue, in faith, doing everything we need to do to bring Ruthie home!

Today

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Rom 8:26

Singing Lamaze

Today I am impatient.
Today the quiet seems to taunt me.
Today the doubts and questions seem too loud inside my head.
Today I am tired of jumping out of my skin at the sound of my phone- only to be dissapointed.

It's exhausting to be on "high alert" and we've been there for the last 2 weeks.  L was originally planning to deliver her baby last week... and her doctor was initially worried that she wouldn't make it that far.  Here we are almost 2 weeks later and everything is quiet.  No doctor's appointments this week (they were postponed), no ultrasounds, in fact really no contact with the birthmother other than a text saying she was having car trouble... just quiet.

I know everyone says "the longer the baby cooks, the better..." Yes, this is indeed true.  And yes, the Lord will bring this baby at just the right moment... but the more time passes the more I wonder... and unfortunately the more I doubt.  I know it's not rational- more time in womb does not equal a birth mother that decides to parent. And yet with each day come doubts and fears in waves... waves like those we experience with the contractions of labor.

When I was in labor with Turner I had a focal point.  I would visualize ocean waves cresting and falling against the sand.  I would endure the pain visualizing the fall of the wave that was soon to follow the peak of discomfort.  With each wave we were closer and closer to his birth...

Unfortunately, visualizing isn't helping me cope with these unique labor pains.  I can't tell myself that with each wave of doubts, fears, emotions I'm getting closer to my son...

So what CAN I do?  How can I labor well?  How can I battle the fears, the really scary ones that creep up in the quiet?

This morning my emailed bible reading was 1 Samuel 16.  In this passage King Saul is being tormented by an evil spirit and his servants suggest that the King should find someone to play music for him so that "he will be well" again.  Well Saul hears of a young man named David that was a good man and gifted musically and sends for him.

After David's arrival before the King the scriptures say:

And whenever the harmful spirit from God was upon Saul, David took the lyre and played it with his hand. So Saul was refreshed and was well, and the harmful spirit departed from him.

Whether or not these waves of anxiety/fear I am experiencing are "harmful spirits" or simply moments of crisis of faith is unclear.  But what is clear to me now is that in the quiet I am more vulnerable.  SO like David I WILL SING!

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
² Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
³ For the Lord is a great God,
and a great King above all gods. (Psalm 95)

Music that leads my heart to worship the Lord serves me as a SWORD against the doubts and fears.  Music enables me to feel closer to the Lord and takes my focus off myself and puts it where it BELONGS. 

Today I will endure the wait and BATTLE the doubts in the quiet.
Today I will SING praise to my God!



My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 72:36

 

J's Nursery!

Hello!

Today the Father has graciously filled me with both confidence in Him as well as JOY in what I know He is doing in my family.  I am so grateful for this reprieve and claim, in the name of Christ, that the enemy will not steal my joy in these days leading up to our baby's homecoming!

I will continue to battle my anxious feeling with the TRUTH of God's Word which is mighty in POWER :). I know my Father delights in me and in this sweet baby we are so excited to meet! 

I thank you for your encouragement and prayers.  Honestly, it means the world to me.

With all that said- time for some pictures of J's new room!

The inspiration for J's room come from Psalm 1:

Blessed is the man^[a]

who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

nor stands in the way of sinners,

nor sits in the seat of scoffers;

² but his delight is in the law^[b] of the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

  

In a prior post I showed you these letters which began the room transformation.

Now we have have painted the pink wall a beautiful sky blue and have added the tree wall decals and orange birdies!

(Note- these wall decals are not for the faint of heart! It took Daddy 3 evenings to install all 4 trees and birdies- but he did such a beautiful job!)

 We absolutely LOVE this wall! 

Another one of my favorite parts of the nursery are the tree drawings over the futon.

I asked some of the artists in my family to draw us some trees for J's room and they all said yes!

From left top to bottom right:

Great Grandmother Marian- Fig Tree

Big Brother Turner- Apple Tree

Tio William- Oak Tree, with Beanie Boy

Daddy- Firmly Rooted Tree with tire swing

Titi Diana- Willow Tree

Abu Maria (my mom)- Palm Tree 

Aren't they beautiful??

I'd LOVE to have MORE!!!! 

If you would like to draw a tree for J's room- please do!  The trees should be black and white on a 4x6 piece of paper.  We'd LOVE to add your picture to our collection.

I mentioned this picture below in yesterday's post but wanted to show you again.

This beautiful print was given to me by my amazing Mami :)

The birds surrounding it are bonus wall decals that came with our trees.

And finally, I wanted to show you that both Grandmother's have already bought their newest grandson a little outfit.  SO CUTE!

Incidentally, have you ever thought about the fact that Superman was adopted?
He was!

To close I leave you with a passage that spoke to my heart this morning.  It was a beautiful reminder of God's desire for ME to be rooted an grounded in His love for me- no matter the circumstance. 

I pray that we may all be deeply rooted in His love so that we, like the tree in Psalm 1, may not wither but instead prosper!!

Prayer for Spiritual Strength

(from the 3rd chapter of the book of Ephesians)

¹⁴ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, ¹⁵ from whom every family^[c] in heaven and on earth is named, ¹⁶ that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, ¹⁹ and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.