Grasshoppers

Our meeting with our attorney yesterday was discouraging.

First, we learned one of the main differences between an agency adoption and a private adoption= financial risk.  In an agency adoption typically the agency covers all up-front costs associated with a birth mother- then adoptive families reimburse the agency once the child is placed.  The agency does most if not all the leg work and lawyers are not involved until the end.  In a private adoption lawyers are involved much sooner  and they do a great deal of work PRIOR to placement.  Work prior to placement= funds due prior to placement.  A LOT of funds. 

Then we were told that IF this adoption fails, IF our sweet birth mother changes her mind or IF the birth father contests (which is unlikely), that all the funds paid will be “lost.” 

Lost.

Let’s just say this wasn’t the conversation we were expecting or hoping for- but it was necessary.  It was necessary for us to be made aware of the financial risk in addition to the emotional risk we have already once experienced.  It was necessary- and difficult.

We left the meeting pretty beaten up.  We went out to eat with some sweet friends, talked about how we felt, ran some errands, talked some more.  Throughout the course of the night we knew a few things for sure:

Nothing had really changed.  Our birth mom was still committed to the plan (she and I texted a bit last night and everything seems as it has been).   Our God is still God.  And money is just money.  So with that we went to bed.

Then this morning I had SUCH an encouraging time with the Lord!  I went to the Word with hopes of renewed peace- and as always- the Lord met me and provided.

I spent some time reading Psalm 95 which begins with praises to God and ends with this warning:

Today, if you hear his voice,
 do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah,
as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,
when your fathers put me to the test
and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.

From that Psalm the Lord led me to the passages in Numbers 13 that tells the story of the generation that tested and distrusted the Lord- even though they had seen Him work all the miracles that it took for their exodus from Egypt…

The passage takes place the first time the Israelites are standing outside the promised Land.  God gives Moses this command: “Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the people of Israel. From each tribe of their fathers you shall send a man, every one a chief among them.”

So Moses did as God commanded, gathered 12 spies and sent them with these instructions:

 “Go up into the Negeb and go up into the hill country, ¹⁸ and see what the land is, and whether the people who dwell in it are strong or weak, whether they are few or many, ¹⁹ and whether the land that they dwell in is good or bad, and whether the cities that they dwell in are camps or strongholds, ²⁰ and whether the land is rich or poor, and whether there are trees in it or not. Be of good courage and bring some of the fruit of the land.” Now the time was the season of the first ripe grapes.

So they obeyed and spied the land for 40 days.

When the spies returned they brought this report to Moses:

“We came to the land to which you sent us. It flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit. ²⁸ However, the people who dwell in the land are strong, and the cities are fortified and very large. And besides, we saw the descendants of Anak there.  The Amalekites dwell in the land of the Negeb. The Hittites, the Jebusites, and the Amorites dwell in the hill country. And the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and along the Jordan.”

In other words: The Land God has for us is good and flows with every blessing we could ever want.  BUT taking the land seems RISKY.

Only one spy, Caleb, seemed able to trust the LORD saying  
“Let us go up at once and occupy it, for we are well able to overcome it.”

Unfortunately Caleb was in the minority so when the spies reported back to all the people they said:

“The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. ³³ And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.”

Once the Israelites heard the report they all freaked out.  They cried all night and they spoke out against Moses- saying ridiculous things like “maybe it would have been better if we had died in Egypt”…

The Israelites were scared.  The obstacles in their path made them feel tiny.  The risk to go into the Land seemed too high- even if God was the one who promised it to them… the probability that they would fail looked clear…

And then 2 of the spies spoke up again- Joshua and Caleb went before the people and said

“The land, which we passed through to spy it out, is an exceedingly good land. ⁸ If the Lord delights in us, he will bring us into this land and give it to us, a land that flows with milk and honey. ⁹ Only do not rebel against the Lord. And do not fear the people of the land, for they are bread for us. Their protection is removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them.”

Unfortunately, the Israelites didn’t listen.

The Lord told Moses to send spies into the land.  I don’t pretend to know why God does what he does- but it seems that he wanted them to know all the risk and obstacles they were facing.  It seems he wanted them to feel like little bugs in the face of giants…SO THAT they would know the Lord is with them. When the Lord heard the response of the Israelites to Caleb and Joshua he said:

 “How long will this people despise me? And how long will they not believe in me, in spite of all the signs that I have done among them? ¹² I will strike them with the pestilence and disinherit them, and I will make of you a nation greater and mightier than they.”

The Israelites did not heed Caleb and Joshua’s words… but by God’s grace we want to. 

We feel the Lord is calling us to continue this journey toward Ruthie.  We believe that with the Lord we are able to overcome any obstacles on the horizon.    We know that the Lord calls us not to fear and we want to obey.

And we believe the Lord delights in us- all 5 of us.

 We are grateful for all the “Joshua’s” and “Caleb’s” God has provided us to hold us along the way.  You have pointed us toward continued obedience in this journey and have held us up when our faith has been weak.  And we are so grateful for all of you that have participated in our fundraisers- your gifts are such an encouragement to our hearts.

So onward we go! 

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth we continue, in faith, doing everything we need to do to bring Ruthie home!