Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Casting My Fears Because He Cares for Me

The print above hangs on the wall in our little man's room just as you walk in the door.  It is one of my most favorite pieces in his nursery.

And yet... I've been afraid to show it to you.

I'm not afraid though for the reason you might think.  I'm not afraid that it shows you for the first time that our son is African American.  No- most of you know that already. You know how the Lord has given us a heart from the beginning to welcome the child that he would chose for us- no matter what his or her race.  You know that as a Puertorican and Caucasian family we are already "multi-cultural" and eager to become even more diverse.  No, it wasn't race that I was afraid to show you.

I'm afraid to show you a picture that is already drawn in my heart- because I'm afraid it might not come true. 

All our prayers, photoshoots, Mudlove bands, yard sales and paperwork have brought us to this moment...to THIS specific baby boy... and we are madly in love with him.

I DESPERATELY want "L"s son to be my son- and I am daily fighting the FEAR of  possible dissapointment.

A dear friend has told me more than once that there are 365 verses (one for each day) in the scripture that remind us not to fear. For the next 2-3 weeks I will cling to these verses as I excitedly prepare to welcome home my son.

Please pray that God gives our family the confidence to trust in what He has called us to do and the faith to believe in what HE is doing.

With the deepest gratitude,

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Kylie said...


michelle thorne said...

As a birthmother, I have to say that your struggle and honesty are so sweet (dare I say that in the midst of your trial?). It is just a wonderful reminder that there are several core people in this little boy's life who are already loving him well and fighting for him and his best interests before he even takes that first breath. This is love, the love Christ gives.
What a gift you all will be to him. What a gift you are to me. Thank you for this glimpse into the eagerly-waiting parent "side" of the adoption triangle.

Leah said...

Michelle is so right. This little boy is so lucky to have 2 sides loving him so very much. Praying for you, may His awesome presence and peace be with you each second of the day. I'll be praying the same for his Tummy Mummy as she awaits this transition, too!