Friday, September 7, 2012

You guys should go home...

I'm still not really ready to write this update...

But I realized that some of you that frequent our blog (thank you!) may not be my friends on facebook and may be wodering the latest update- so here goes a quick one:

Today L and the baby we were calling J are being discharged from the hospital- and they are going home together.

Just hours before baby boy was born on Monday morning his Mommy decided to forgo her adoption plan and instead parent her baby.

Niles and I were about 10 minutes from the hospital in Columbia when our social worker called to say- "L just went back for surgery and her mom says that she has changed her mind."

I'll be honest and say that I wasn't really surprised at the call... she had been going back and forth seemingly every few minutes over the weekend.  But we were still hopeful... even with the phone call...

So Niles and I went to walk the USC campus and bookstore.  Then we drove to my brother's home and tried to distract ourselves until L came out of surgery... the distractions didn't really work.  Even though I only had about 3 hours of sleep the night before I couldn't sleep... I couldn't sit still... I tried to pray but my mind raced... I tried being still... same problem.

So finally we decide to drive to find some lunch.  Before we get out of the car our social worker calls to give us the update.  I just remember short sentences-
I talked to L in the recovery room. 
She decided that the baby will be raised by her mother.  
The baby had trouble breathing at birth and was taken to the NICU. 
Don't come to the hospital. 
You guys should go home.

We always knew that Monday we'd go home without a baby and without anything "certain"- because papers couldn't be signed until 24hours after birth.  But we were at least hoping for things to look better than this...

We were angry.
We were hurt.
We were confused.
We were going home empty-handed and heavy hearted.

Next week I promise to fill you in on the incredible things the Lord has shown us in this week post our failed adoption... 

For today though I'll end saying this has been one of the most difficult weeks of our lives- a week we daily went to the Lord for strength. 

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
- Lamentations 3


katie said...

dear sweet sister of mine. i am praying for you all. i cannot imagine. i am so encouraged by the overwhelming presence of the holy spirit in what you write. although i wish there had been another way to have pruned and tended, he is producing such fruit in your heart and it is beautiful to see.

Vanessa@Designs By Sessa said...

Oh no oh no oh no. Lord Jesus, I lift up the Ferguson's to you. Lord Jesus wrap them in your loving arms. Let them run into your safety. You say the name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous man runs into it and is safe, so Lord God I pray that you would take this hurting family and allow your Comforter to be strong with them as they grieve. And Lord God I pray that you would restore their hope and their strength in you, Lord God.

I am praying for you guys. This is terrible. One of our biggest fears as an adoptive parent and the nightmare you don't want to come true, but even so, GOD IS IN CONTROL. Love you guys and will be lifting you up!