Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I don't know what you're doing, but I know who you are

I remember saying to one of my closest friends on the playground a few weeks ago "If this whole thing falls apart and L changes her mind... after all the pink-to-blue and emotions we've been through- will someone be there to hold me up?"  With all the confidence in the world she said "Yes!  We will be there!"

And she was.  And so were many of you reading this blog now.  You were there to hold me up.  You interceded for me and my family when I no longer had the words I needed. You empathized with our sorrow. You understood that although L's baby was never in my tummy or in my arms my heart experienced a great loss when our adoption plan fell apart. 

Thank you for being there. 

I have moved into the acceptance stage of grief... acknowledging that I have NO idea what God is doing, but asserting full faith in WHO he is.  Perhaps the Lord will give me the luxury on this side of heaven to understand the "why?" of this part of our story... but even if he doesn't I will trust that he will work all things out for our good.   The Lord has not left us and in HIM we continue to HOPE! I give glory to the Lord and thanks to his people for getting us through that most difficult and unwanted week-long-vacation. We look forward to coming better days.

This week we are back to our new normal... back to work for Daddy, back to K4 preschool for Turner, back to just-the-two-of us mornings for me and Cal and back to waiting for a birthmother to choose us.  There are moments when the idea of  "waiting again" suffocates me... I worry about enduring all that we did last time all over again... but in those moments Niles reminds me that all adoption stories are different.  That there is no reason to believe next time the wait will be as long nor that it will be as arduous... and if it is, again our FATHER will be there and his people will come along side us.

Again, we look forward to coming better days.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation."
Habakkuk 3


Michelle said...

Love you so very much, friends.

Kylie said...

I have tearfully thought of that conversation often. I know that in some way God was preparing your heart even then to trust Him through this. You are being faithful, transparent, and obedient. The Lord WILL use this to His glory AND your good! I love you!!!!