Friday, August 16, 2013

"She looks just like you!"

 "Oh my goodness!  She looks just like you!" said the girl at the CVS counter the first time I ventured out with my baby in SC.  I had been in FL for 17 days and was pretty tan.  And Ruthie and I both have really dark hair...  so I could see our "family resemblance" and it made me smile.  Later  when I started posting pictures of Ruthie and her brothers online  friends would say "she looks like Calvin!" and "she looks like she belongs!"- all sweet and well intentioned compliments.

And yet, they made me feel strange.

I began to wonder how I was "supposed" to respond to these remarks?  Was I "supposed" to tell perfect strangers that she's adopted when they compliment us?  Was it "lying" to let people believe she was biologically related to me?  And I wondered too how should I respond to friends that say she "looks like she belongs in our family"?  You see, I had prepared myself for 2 years to become the mother of a baby that did NOT look like me and assumed we would become a conspicuous family once our Ruthie joined our family. We took classes and did research to equip ourselves to handle the tough questions people might ask us regarding why our family did not look alike- and now all of a sudden we did! 

It seems like a silly thing to worry about, I know.  But as someone who was so publicly working to bring a baby home through adoption it felt like a strange secret sometimes.

I prayed about these feelings of confusion and sought the wisdom of friends and the counsel of the online adoption community.  As is always the case the Lord responded... 

I began to feel great peace knowing our Ruthie was fearfully and wonderfully made by her loving Father.  I felt too that our adoption journey was exactly what it needed to be to prepare our family to bring her home- whether she was going to look like us or not.  And I felt that He was whispering "be still" to my heart full of worry...

So I decided to trust Him and stop my worrying for once :).  

I trust that it is GOOD for me to enjoy my baby girl without constantly "championing" the cause of adoption.  
I trust that I have a lifetime ahead of me of opportunities to talk about adoption and the joy that it has brought to our family.  
I trust that He will not hide His will from me, so I can stop worrying about what I'm "supposed" to do.
I trust that love makes a family, not biology or looks.

Now when people tell me she looks like me- I simply smile and say thanks!  

1 comment:

Electra L Hutchison said...

I love your heart friend! It's funny I have always found that in those mixed families that the child always resembles the family in some way. In expressions, stature or even the simple hair color or face shape. Your sweet Ruthie not only "looks" like she belongs she simply belongs. Perfectly apart of your family. <3